Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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