He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
