A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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