I faked an abortion last night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
