Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
