nut hugger
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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