I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
