He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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