On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
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There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You may now shotgun with the bride
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
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I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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