i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
