Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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