wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
