Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
