I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
