my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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