rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
