never play flip cup with pint glasses
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
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I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
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Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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