so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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