can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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