well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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