Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
4 words: hood of his car
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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