I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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