I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You're like the curious george of whores
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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