i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I checked into jail on foursquare
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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