Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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