dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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