I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
