Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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