my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
