Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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