you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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