we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
