there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Randomize
