I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
