Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
