Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
3 2 1 whiskey
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
