do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
