and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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