Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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