A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
