how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
