dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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