We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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