I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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