I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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