Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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