Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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