By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
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Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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