Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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