i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
