in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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