There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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