I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
