Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
