I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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