At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
