I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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