I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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