just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
