If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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