planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
