dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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