It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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