did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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