I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
