we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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