Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
