The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Farmville is her only friend.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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