Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
