wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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