he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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