My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
