cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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