I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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