so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
