you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
