my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
porn star boner night. come get it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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