I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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