How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
