You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
a search helicopter?!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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