Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
