He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
