If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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