I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
