I'm gonna have a badass scar
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
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He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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