Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
