This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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