Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
