...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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